1 August is International Childfree Day, a day to highlight and celebrate the choice to not have children. Population Matters’ Accountant Lisa Vella talks about her experience of being Childfree.

Growing up in the ’80s/90s, I assumed I would, one day, have children. Not from a burning desire to do so but from the normalised societal expectation of that being ‘what you do’. It felt very much like an inevitability. 

Childfree – superficial and selfish?

As I grew older, my feelings didn’t change with regard to motherhood.  It just wasn’t for me, and I firmly believe that all children should be deeply wanted and loved (I am fortunate to have amazing parents who love both of their children completely). But did being Childfree mean I would have no impact and leave no legacy behind? 

Pronatalists often brand Childfree people as superficial and selfish; we can’t possibly care about a future in which we have no direct stake (have they not heard about Dolly Parton??). 

On the contrary, I have found that being Childfree offers an opportunity to channel the time, energy and focus out into the wider world which may otherwise have been spent on raising children. If a family member is unwell or in need, I can be there. If there is a cause or organisation I care about, I can volunteer my time.   

Fostering community

It’s also an opportunity to foster community outside of your own family line; whether that be through your friendships, through activism or through engaging with the many Childfree groups which exist on social media. 

There are organisations such as We Are Childfree, who share stories and run workshops to help employers better serve their Childfree employees. And the Childfree Convention, which takes place every year and provides community, support and information via a selection of panel discussions.  This year’s convention will take place on Sunday 4 August, with sessions available to watch later on their YouTube channel.   

This is not to claim a total lack of superficiality – I love long lie-ins with my cat and a coffee, gaming for hours with my husband and the tranquillity of a childfree home.  This is just to say I am Childfree and also invested in people, the planet and the future we all share.   

Being grateful

On International Childfree Day, I will be thinking of the people all over the world who don’t have the same freedom to choose that I have enjoyed. I will think of the people whose rights are being restricted.  I will be incredibly grateful for the life I have. Because it’s wonderful. 

Finally, I would like to recommend a couple of excellent books on this subject.

I also highly recommend the documentary ‘My So-Called Selfish Life’ by Therese Shechter.

Happy International Childfree Day!